Practical Pointers on Everyday Persuasion - Part 2

2. Appeal to Their Interests, Values and Needs.

When trying to persuade someone, consider that person’s interests, values and needs. Stand in her shoes and see the subject from that point of view. Listen to and respect the other person. Then tailor your comments to appeal to her interests and needs, and so she sees the benefit to herself. Demonstrate how she will benefit. Provide real life examples.

Sales people and young children do this all the time. They align their position with the other person’s interests, appeal to what is important to her, and then communicate clearly and with compelling evidence how the matter is advantageous for her.

Sales people make small talk with a customer and then say something like “I can see quality is important to you” or “this vehicle has all the features a growing family like yours will need.” Many young children are very skilled at persuading their parents by appealing to their parents’ interest in avoiding a public scene.

To persuade your boss to give you a certain matter to handle, consider his concerns and what is important to him. Figure out how giving you the matter aligns with his interests and how it benefits him. Communicate clearly and provide evidence of your readiness and a plan that eliminates his concerns.

When persuading my colleagues to be guinea pigs in the e-newsletter, I appealed to their interests in marketing their legal services in a unique, personal way. Knowing that time is precious, I also made it very easy for them. Similarly, to persuade new members to join the association, we are focused on demonstrating how we meet their interests and needs.

3. Whose Idea

A last bit of advice comes from lawyers who are excellent brief writers. They advise new lawyers to let the judge follow the bread crumbs. Don’t force the conclusion on the judge. When you seek to persuade, let the other person think the idea was his.

If you are ready for coaching to help you get what you want in your career, please contact me.

Practical Pointers on Everyday Persuasion - Part 1

Maybe you want to convince your boss to give you greater independence on a case or project. Perhaps you have to recruit new members for your organization. Today you might be trying to convince a judge. Tomorrow you might need to convince someone to change their behavior, give you a raise, buy something or support a cause.

We encounter situations daily in which we are trying to persuade someone else to hold a certain belief or act a certain way or in which someone is similarly trying to persuade us.

Instead of trying to win an argument or force something on someone, what can you do to polish your power of persuasion for these daily encounters?

Much has been written about the art of persuasion, including Dale Carnegie’s 1936 classic How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you have not read it, I recommend this little old book. But if your time is limited, here are a few pointers on everyday persuasion.

1. Trust and Credibility

I may sound like a broken record but people do business with people they know, like and trust. We use doctors, babysitters and hair dressers with whom we have experience or who are recommended to us because someone else we trust knows, likes and trusts them. We patronize franchises and buy brand name products because we know what to expect. They have credibility in our eyes.

Similarly, your relationships with the people you seek to persuade also play a key role in your ability to persuade them. The more trust and credibility you have with them, the easier it is to persuade them. Moreover, you may have found that you personally are more easily persuaded by people you like.

Therefore, even in brief persuasion encounters, try to establish trust as well as credibility and be positive, likeable, confident. Of course, this includes being sincere and knowledgeable about your subject.

You can use subconscious persuasion techniques like mirroring the person’s body language, getting them nodding, using reciprocity, or over-asking and making your second request the real one. But without trust and credibility, these techniques won’t get you far in winning someone over or inducing a particular action.

For example, without an underlying relationship built on trust and credibility, I never could have persuaded three members in my bar association to be guinea pigs in a new e-newsletter last month. They agreed to be the first featured members, in part, because they trusted that the association and I would produce a quality publication.

Part 2 tomorrow.

Listen Up, Lawyers: 5 Rules For Really Listening (per David Winter)

Communicating includes listening. Communicating with your clients, partners, other colleagues, other lawyers, potential clients etc., includes listening to them. Since communicating is a relationship skill, when you improve your listening, you will improve your professional and personal relationships. How does that sound?

David Winter, a successful plaintiff's lawyer in metropolitan Detroit and a friend of mine, shared some of his advice on listening this week. Like the #1 rule for losing weight, Dave's 5 rules for listening are simple but not easy.

"Let’s get one thing straight, listening isn’t waiting for the other person to stop talking so we can provide a rebuttal. Listening is understanding, interpreting, and paying attention to what is said. The pathway to successful listening is outlined by five rules. Learn and practice them and your career as a lawyer will become a much more rewarding experience, professionally, personally and financially.

The rules I follow are:

• Listen to why something is important to the speaker.


• Confirm you understand the speaker’s true meaning.


• Ask for explanations, don’t assume.


• Don’t offer opinions.


• Edit out internal responses."

Learn and use these rules in 2011. Notice what happens.

If you would like coaching on your professional relationships, please contact me.

Elevator Speak - - What Not To Say.

Riding in an elevator this week I ran into a lawyer I used to know a little bit. In the space of about 25 seconds of small talk he made two thoughtless remarks. His second remark left me at a loss for words.

Afterwards I realized that his carelessness came from his own current state of mind and could have landed on anyone. I just happened to be the one in the elevator with him at that moment.

Some marketing people focus on elements like elevator speeches. When coaching lawyers about marketing and business development, I keep coming back to the importance of building relationships and using relationship skills. This incident made me think again not about elevator speeches but about relationship skills.

Take a look at your personal interactions and your relationship skills, regardless of whether you are talking with someone on an elevator or elsewhere. Are your interactions positive or negative? Are you a bucket filler or a bucket dipper?

For more on the power of positive interactions, see Rath & Clifton's classic How Full is Your Bucket? http://strengths.gallup.com/114079/Full-Bucket.aspx

I wonder how that lawyer's relationship skills are serving him in his effort to rebuild a book of business.

If you would like coaching to work on your relationship skills, or your 15 second self-introduction/elevator speech, please contact me.

Communication Spring Tune-Up

Give your communication skills a spring tune-up. Check out the advice toward the end of this article to help you with common stereotypes, perceptions and the fine line that women leaders and managers often have to walk. Although this article focuses on women, it can apply to anyone.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/07/jobs/07preoccupations.html?ref=jobs#

Tune up your communication skills and you will tune up your relationship skills. Better relationship skills lead to business development success, as well as more effective teamwork, management and leadership. Of course, they work in your personal life as well. I know this firsthand from the lawyers I coach!

LinkedIn for Lawyers - A Few Personal Tips

Here are a few thoughts I have every time I get a LinkedIn invitation:

1. List your area of practice, rather than just associate, partner or lawyer at ABC Firm, in the "headline" space below your name. It will appear whenever your name appears. Let people know what you do as a lawyer. Make it easy for them to see and remember your practice area. This is marketing. This is developing name recognition for something specific as a lawyer. If you are afraid to list a specialty because you believe it will close the door to other potential legal work, consider how many other generic "lawyers" you are competing with in the same geographic region on LinkedIn. Are you willing to miss out on the legal work you really want to do in order to take anything that might come your way? Do you want to stand out or blend in?

2. When you send or accept a LinkedIn invitation to/from someone you know, consider the value of personalizing it with a few more sentences. Notes like that are easy, fast and free. Notes like that help you maintain relationships. At a minimum they say "I'm thinking about you personally rather than as just another name to add to my list." To me it's like the difference between an annual holiday card from a lawyer with (a) just a signature (and who knows who actually signed it) and (b) a signature plus a few sentences or even a single sentence as simple as "Elizabeth, I hope all is well with you" or "Elizabeth, I look forward to working with you again soon", etc.

3. If you send a LinkedIn invitation to someone you don't know, personalize the invitation. I don't accept all LinkedIn invitations and I don't accept invitations from people I don't know who don't even introduce themselves and say why they'd like to connect, where they saw me speak, where they met me, or if they know someone I know, etc. Imagine an in-person "networking" event where no one is allowed to speak. It's simply a business card exchange. How would that event serve you in terms of building relationships?

Remember that networking is about building relationships. Use your relationship skills.

Business Development: Luck Is What Happens When . . .

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." (Seneca, mid-1st Century Roman philosopher.)

I was reminded of this saying this week after I congratulated three lawyers on getting new clients within the last week, and then, when discussing business development, three other lawyers told me that they weren't born into country club families and/or their relatives didn't own businesses.

The second group of lawyers shares a narrow perspective about how lawyers start to develop a book of business. We could name the perspective "I Don't Have a Book of Business Because I Wasn't Lucky Enough to Have Family Connections." I think it's a commonly held perspective about rainmakers and rainmaking. It's often a very strong self-limiting belief for lawyers.

If these lawyers shifted their perspective even slightly to "Having a Book of Business Depends on Luck", they might see some new ways to attack the challenge of getting more clients.

For example, if you believe luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity, then (1) prepare, and (2) start improving your chances for opportunities.

I'll leave the preparation part alone for now, and focus on how you can increase your number of opportunities, and thus improve your rainmaking.

Are you always eating lunch alone (author Keith Ferrazzi says never do this), avoiding colleagues in embarrassment because of your hours and other statistics, wondering why referral sources have gone dry, letting friendships slide, shunning networking events, procrastinating over writing articles for industry associations, making no new friends (business or otherwise), always sending email but never using the phone, giving up on new marketing efforts after just six months?

Do you talk to strangers in the airport, in line at the grocery store, at your child's soccer game, at networking events? Are you getting involved in issues and organizations that you care about and becoming a leader? Are you letting your world know who you are, what you care about, and what you can do for people and organizations that matter to you?

Or do you assume and hope that people who know you and what you do will come to you when they need a lawyer, and that those who don't know you will somehow find you?

Creating opportunities boils down to putting yourself out there, meeting people and building relationships.

Here are a few recent success stories of lawyers overcoming their own resistance, putting themselves out there and increasing their business opportunities. One of my lawyer coaching clients joined FaceBook in the last two months and this week received a job opportunity through an old friend. Another reached out to reconnect with former colleagues and now is local counsel on a matter. A third befriended a quiet partner last week and now has a strong new champion. Another lawyer recently resisted a last minute urge to skip his law school reunion and now has a new relationship.

So here are my questions for you: What's the name of the perspective you want to have on business development? And what can you start doing to create your own "luck"?

I'll write more about "resistance" in a later post. For now, consider this challenge compiled from real life examples in the last two months, including the reunion one above.

Challenge: If you get a last minute urge not to attend an event you planned to attend, RESIST! Resist that urge. Even if you were always luke warm about attending, resist and attend. Notice what happens. See what business development opportunities are there. You'll never know who you might meet unless you go.

Powerful Questions

This week, in a non-coaching context, I experienced the power of coaching questions to diffuse tension and start a productive discussion about an employee's performance. You don't have to be a coach to ask these types of questions.

• What will help you do your job?
• What do you need to get this [task accomplished]?
• What do you need from us?
• What can we do to help you to . . . ?

If these kinds of questions diffuse tension and open up discussions at work, how can they help your other relationships? What if you asked your spouse:

• What can I do to help you . . . this week?
• What do you need from the rest of us [to keep your sanity over the Thanksgiving holiday]?

Thoughtful questions to potential and current clients will elicit the same kind of information. You'll find out their pain and you'll realize what you can do to help them.

You don't have to be a lawyer coach to ask powerful questions, and you don't always have to wear your lawyer hat.

Networking 101 For Law Students, Part Two

Establishing and Maintaining Relationships: What do you do after you have identified lawyers you want to talk to as part of your job search? First, remember that your networking is still about building relationships.

Therefore, regardless of how you contact the lawyer, instead of starting by asking whether the law firm or company is hiring, consider what will produce a longer conversation. Get to know the lawyer and the law firm, and let them get to know you. Doesn't this sound like getting your foot in the door? If you start by saying you are looking for a job and then asking whether the law firm is hiring, the conversation may end with a quick "no".

Your preparation helps you again. Think of ways to ask for advice and information, rather than asking immediately for a job. Tell lawyers why you are interested in talking with them and ask if they would be willing to talk to you. Let them know how long it will take. Thinking of this as information gathering and relationship building will build your confidence and also help you excel later when you have real job interviews. You can learn a lot if you are curious during informational interviews. And since it is flattering, people are more likely to respond to this approach and give you some of their time.

At the end of any conversation, ask if the person can suggest other lawyers for you to contact. This question can be more effective than asking to be kept in mind, or simply asking whether they know of any openings. By consistently asking for additional names, you can quickly build a list of lawyers to contact. Doesn't that sound a lot more promising, proactive and effective than waiting for job postings to appear?

I am a believer in hand written notes to thank contacts for their time and advice. If your goal is to set yourself apart, this will help. At a bar association board meeting last year, a member commented about the board writing thank you notes to our corporate sponsors: "I didn't think people did that anymore." My point exactly.

Stay in touch with your contacts with periodic follow up on the status of your information gathering and job search, and later, after you get a legal job. You can send short emails updating them. If it makes you more comfortable, you can make it clear that no response is required. Since no response is required, and people like to know that they invested their time well, there is little downside and much to be gained by staying in touch. You want to be in their thoughts if they later learn of an opportunity that would be right for you.

A law student asked me the other day about staying in touch with a lawyer in a law firm from which the student ultimately did not get an offer. The same approach can be used in this kind of situation. When you connect with people, you can follow up, tell them why you are interested in talking to them again and go forward from there.

Of course, you will use your own words and find a way that works for you. Networking for job purposes (and most purposes) takes time. Like public speaking and many other skills, the more you do, the better you become. Why not start building some relationships today?